omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
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