How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Drake has all the answers
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
