So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
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