so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize