Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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