You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Randomize
