No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
