This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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