He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
