Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
