Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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