I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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