sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
