So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
