you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize