I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Randomize
