Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
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