i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Randomize