If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
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