i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
