I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Randomize
