i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
