glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
