You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
