We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
