He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
