Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
