Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
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