Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize