We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
