so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
