i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
