I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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