we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
