I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Randomize
