oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Randomize
