I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Sext me about skeletons
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
