So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
