I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
