I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
