if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
