He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
