The maid of honor just puked.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Randomize
