That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize