I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Randomize
