hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Randomize
