So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
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