tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
