If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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