I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
