At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
