He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Randomize
