ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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