Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
