i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
