he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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