can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
