this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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