Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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