Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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