Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
You can't just leave with hair like that
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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