soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize