I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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