jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
the gays at disneyland are vicious
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
this is an emotional support booty call
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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