I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
