I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
