I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
BRING THE BAGELS
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
