just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
