Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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