you turned your livingroom into a bong?
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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