I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
