That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize