my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
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