I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize