Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
My life is pants optional.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
