Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I currently don't understand fingers.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize