Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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