you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
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