well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
