I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
