Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
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