Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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