Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
