matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
