I look better un-naked...
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Come share oat with me in your robe
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
