HIV tests are more positive than that guy
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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