If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
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