I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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