you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
