you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
