Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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