I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
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