Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
