The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
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