You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
