You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
my sisters under your porch take her home
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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