My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
