well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Randomize
