We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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