where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
