smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
