Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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