I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
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