this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
