K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
