Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize