My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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