How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
