I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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