i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize