I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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