party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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